Office Romance: Is it EVER appropriate?

I stumbled upon this article on the BBC website this morning. It's whimsical look at the "role" of the Secretary in the office in the 1950s/1960s - it's nothing to do with the job description - it's about the role of the Secretary as an object of desire.

Lucy Kellaway writes this article as part of the promotions for her Radio 4 Series "Sex and the Office". Now, sadly, I'm not really a radio listener, so I know I won't have the opportunity to review the series for you. However, the article raises some interesting points.

Prior generations revered the Secretary as an object of desire - the woman in the office that "By the early 20th Century the secretary had become a cultural type. Girls wanted to grow up to be one. Boys thought they'd marry one".

But what of the role of the female administrative professional in the 21st Century?

Kellaway continues "In the last 60 years or so our attitude to sex at work has moved from denial to delight to disapproval to disallowing.". We've moved from the sex-bomb 60's, into the hairy legged 70's, through the powerful, defensive 80's and the compensatory 90's into the "It's All About Me" 21st Century.

As women in the workplace I am sure we are all very thankful for the fact that men are no longer "allowed" to ogle and leer inappropriately. I'm sure that we are all thrilled that there are no "inappropriate" comments about our sex-lives thrown around the office on a Monday morning or after an obvious "Walk of Shame". I know that we all dress demurely and without recourse to attract any unwanted attention. HR departments delight in processing cases of harassment, or taking someone aside for a quiet word after an indiscretion at an office party which could be deemed an "extension of the workplace".

The fact of the matter is that outside of educational establishments work is the place where people find their life partners these days. There will always be beautiful girls who are given their entry level job on reception because they are "better presented" than the other less attractive candidates.

For my part, I take the rather un-modern approach of Helen Gurley Brown, the late editor of Cosmopolitan, who is quoted in the article as saying "You see, I don't think it's wrong to use your sex appeal and femininity to get ahead on a job. In fact, I can't think of a better way to do it,".

We do it in all other areas of our lives, the pressure upon us as women to be able to do everything well, a (really good - high pressure) job, children, a beautiful home, an interest in culture, politics, eating out, cooking like Raymond Blanc, weighing nothing, juicing, Pilates... etc etc.... surely we should be allowed to use our natural abilities to assist in such things.

The key to really moving on is making the office a safe space in which to do this. I think that the problem we have now is that men have been so frightened by the rules - you can look, but don't look like you're looking, never touch - and the Gods of HR forbid you to flirt! - that the new generation of "entitled" young women are now being more obvious about it. Appropriate office wear is another subject - but I can tell you, not many people follow this and there is a lot more on show these days than in the swinging 60s.

If "never in the office" were true then how would the truth that most people meet their partners at work be true? How is it done? A friend of mine conducted a very lengthy relationship with a colleague for years, essentially in secret because "inter-office relationships aren't allowed where I work". But how can an employer enforce this? Surely this is a breach of one's human rights?

Conversely, is the adoption of under-the-radar tactics just another way to add a salacious element to a relationship that is not embarked on with the most honorable of intentions? The excuse to keep things out of the public eye is often a very convenient way for one or other party involved to act in a less than honorable way.

The rules of the game have come full circle - with one very important change - unwanted attention can now be dealt with. It raises the stakes, and makes the chase all that more exciting. Anyone who has been out in the City on a Thursday night knows that the game is still being played. Everyone, talks about it. You just have to learn how to play it properly, discreetly and with both professionalism and style.

The Basics: Dress Codes (And How to Advise About Them)

I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked “What do you think I should wear?” by my boss or their partner (or friend for that matter!).  Dress codes are not always as prescriptive as they are in the Royal Enclosure at Ascot, but they are stated in a few cases, and in others it’s often something you will have to investigate.

Again, this is a case where my trusty Debrett’s comes in. This is wonderful as it has definitions for ALL dress codes that you are likely to come up against.

Most formal is “White Tie and Decorations” – which is usually attributed to functions hosted by Aristocracy or Senior Politicians. If you work for the kind of person who will be invited to that kind of function, don’t concern yourself. They will know what they’re doing (and probably won’t require your advice).

“Black Tie” – considered by the gentlemen of Downton Abbey to be some kind of sports dress,  is the modern equivalent of “Let’s get dressed up”. It’s easy enough to navigate this code, it’s always for an evening event, sometimes for an evening wedding, and is well known/documented for gentlemen.

For ladies, the formal definition of Black Tie is a little less strictly observed in this modern age. Debrett’s is very relaxed about this whole thing stating that a “Smart Dress” is appropriate and it can be “Long or short, as long as it’s not too short”. The key to elegance is to be slightly enviable without being shocking.

The social minefield is thrown up by “Smart Casual”. This is a hideous thing to be told… I loathe it… It’s daunting to all. And as it is the most common of all the dress codes that fall into the mire of less formal entertaining, which is on the increase.  Of course Debrett’s are definitive on the matter and this is real help – however, in the offices of the younger generation of up-coming executives this is often a “code” which is touted but seldom fully observed.

With a continuing trend of very expensive, designer “sportswear” and credit-card weakening jeans those with the cash to splash often want to show off their latest acquisitions at such occasions as being seen in company.

If you are asked, ask host, or the host’s office. Only enquire about this if you are asked to. Giving advice such as this, unbidden, could cross a line into your boss’s personal relationships that you are not at all welcome to cross. However, it is imperative that if there are concerns from your end that you must enquire and advise. If your boss’s boss’s wife is hosting her weekend BBQ in a pair of Alexander McQueen jeans and a Chloé hoodie then that is her prerogative, if your boss’s wife turns up in similar and the host’s wife is in a beautiful tea dress… then you have a problem. Or your Boss does.. and you’re there to make sure these things don’t happen.

(Follow the links – they link to all the relevant pages).

Keep Calm

Keep Calm

and

Bear Down

The nation is with you Kate!

The media "village" outside Buckingham Palace

 

I suppose I feel like I'm rather close to this today. I'm still working around the corner from Buckingham Palace and have witnessed the throngs of media all camped out around the gate waiting for the announcement.

This arrival is unique - a child that will want for nothing and be born into an incredibly influential position. No matter your opinion on the Monarchy in general, it's certainly a day to remember!

Photo(s) of the Day: Swan Lake

Walking over the bridge in St James's Park this morning - what a glorious sight - their Majesties are doing everything so well at the moment - this is their front garden and we're all allowed in !

Complete with a family of swans...
Did you know that only the Queen is allowed to eat Swan?
She owns all the Swans in England!
This little family are being fattened up on her front lawn!



These cygnets are practically adolescent! There are worst places to grow up.
I love the equal parenting on display here - hope the
Duke and Duchess of Cambridge display such solidarity at the end of the month!

The Basics: How (and when) to Write a Thank You Letter

One of the greatest feelings of achievement I get is when I type up a letter, take it in for signing and whoever I am working for  just signs it. No corrections, no changes or re-working of wording… just a signature… In my years and years of producing letters for other people I am glad to say that (eventually) this happened with increasing frequency and with no diminished feeling of triumph!

"Thank You" letters are a very good place to start achieving this yourself. Hopefully this how-to will help you to get there just a little more quickly than I did!
 

Never under estimate the power of a well-placed vote of thanks.  A number of the VIPs I have worked for recognise this and, I am of the belief that this is one of the details that keeps the regard held for them so high.

Regardless of the medium you use an “appropriate” thanks will not go unnoticed or without a smile of appreciation.

Appropriate is the key here. It is appropriate to thank someone when they have hosted an event (e.g. a cocktail party, dinner, sporting event, ball etc.), sent a gift, responded to an appeal for help or gone beyond the call of duty in anyway. This applies in all areas of life, not least in business.

There are a number of guides out there regarding when it is appropriate to send a business related "Thank You" letter or email after a job interview. In my opinion it is NEVER appropriate to thank someone for interviewing you. Even if you really want the job, it is the mark of a sycophant (needy person) and who wants to employ such a person  - even as an Assistant? Anything that could be construed as "Please like me" is unprofessional. Have the confidence to know that you have responded to someone's need when attending an interview and that they should be thanking you for your time. Conversely, it IS appropriate to thank anyone who may have been involved in making the introduction that lead to the interview, regardless of the outcome. If you have networked your way into such a situation, those in your network deserve a line or two via email, and if you get the job - the drinks are on you!

 
Thankfully, in the realms of what is and is not socially acceptable there are some clear rules you can follow that (like a knee length hem-line) will never cause you or the person you represent any embarrassment:

I believe that you should thank in the medium in which the invitation was made. For example, if you receive a formal thick card, embossed invitation (rather affectionately known in more than one London office as a “stiffy”) which has a handwritten name on it then it is appropriate for the guest to write a handwritten reply on their own personal headed paper.

Accepting the invitation is a different matter. Most formal invitations will come with a reply card that involves you filling in the information and sending it back. All invitations will include instructions as to how to RSVP (Respond). You should follow these instructions (especially if you’re accepting the invitation) as this is the easiest way for the host to compile responses.

If the invitation was via email then it is acceptable to send a thank you in the same way. However, if the invitation is to a formal or very special event, such as something which is part of “The Season” (i.e. Ascot, Henley, Glyndebourne, Wimbledon and various other outdoor events) or includes a titled* host or guest of honour then a written letter reply is appropriate.

If an invitation makes use of a formal title such as “Sir” or “The Rt. Hon” or even "His/Her Royal Highness" on the invitation this indicates that the host is keen to show that it is a formal occasion so any thanks should be sent in formally.

Traditional form suggests that if the invitation is personal and to a couple that the lady of the couple is responsible for producing a letter of thanks and such a reply should be directed to the lady of the hosting couple at their home address. This is terribly formal, rather old fashioned and largely out of your hands, even if you are a home office or “Personal” Assistant. In your capacity as an Assistant in the work-place there is a slightly less formal, but no less important process to follow.

Usually, business related entertainment that is directed to the person you are working for along with their partner will be sent to the business address (rather than their home).  In the case of a business invitation directed solely at your boss you will simply need to ask if they would like to send thanks. They will need to be involved in the process and it is always best to ask if you don’t know!

You could structure your letter like this:

1. “Thank you for....” – this is the purpose of the letter and should be stated immediately
2. Personal detail – this shows a great level of detail and therefore appreciation for the host’s efforts.
3. What I/we liked about what you did for us – as above and shows that the writer is keen to nurture the relationship.
4. Allude to the future – this is a positive way to conclude and can also be non-committal.

 An example of a generic business thank you letter:

It should be sent no later than the Monday after the event (to arrive on the Tuesday) or if your boss is travelling it should be waiting for signature upon their return. If there is a gap longer than a week between those days reference to the “lateness” of the thanks should be made in the first paragraph of the letter e.g. “Please forgive the time it has taken for me to thank you for including me/us <<etc>> I have been out of the country....".

I owe a great deal of this knowledge and the accomplishment of the finer details to Debrett’s. This is the definitive guide to getting things right in the minefield of communication and they now have a great deal of this information available on line. For me though, my copy of “Correct Form” is well thumbed and considered an office essential.

These tips should get you through the fear of the blank page staring back at your when you boss asks you to "Sort out a Thank You letter for...." Anticipating this need when you diarise and accept an invitation is a great way to demonstrate pro-active thinking. Set a reminder in your own diary, produce the letter in a timely matter, pop it in the signing book and your boss will start to think you're psychic!

Photo of the Day: Trombones

I appear to have a very small box of Trombones on my desk today.... paperclip obsession.

Photo of the Day: St James's Park Deck Chairs

 

 

A wonderful lunch break in St James's Park.... oh how I wished for the opportunity to spend £7 on a deck chair for the whole day... sat on my fold away bag on the ground instead... still lovely!

 

The Basics: How to answer the phone in the office.

Yes, there is a correct way to answer the phone, it's one of those little things that make all the difference.

Picture this:

• You’re sitting at your brand new desk.
• You have a nice cuppa in front of you courtesy of your tour of the kitchen facilities.
• You’re logged in.
• You’re familiarising yourself with the diary your managing and…… the phone rings.

This is can be a heart-in-mouth-when-you-least expect it moment. If you’re in an open office this is your moment to prove yourself.  If you’re in a private office this is the first time you’ll represent this company/individual.  

You might think one or all of the following:

• What if I stumble over my words?
• What if I forget the company name?
• What if I say the wrong thing?
• What if the people sitting around me are all listening?
• What if I suddenly forget how to speak?
• What if I’m so laid back about it they all think I’m really unprofessional?

There is only one correct, courteous and professional

way to answer the phone:

 Within 3 rings and with the words

“Good Morning/Afternoon, Company Name”.

Obviously, this is not to be taken literally, please use the time of day and the company name appropriately. You can use the clock at the bottom right hand corner of your screen to check the time - it will always be there and it becomes second nature to glace at this before picking up the phone.

As for the company name – write it down clearly on a post-it note and stick it on or near the phone along with the direct dial number of that extension. Trust me – it is a real life-saver on days when you’re handing over, trying to learn new procedures, generally learning the ropes and concentrating on other things.

You will never be berated for answering the phone in the above manner; however, the perfectly correct way to answer that phone is the way that the person you are working for would like you to.

This is an excellent first day ice-breaker question if you are working at high-level. Often, you will have been engaged by the person you are covering, or by HR or another person who is unfamiliar with the role you will be required to do. Sometimes, winging it is not an option.

If the person you are representing is the kind of person who is conscious of how they are represented they will appreciate being asked this question. It shows that you are fully aware that you are the face/voice of their office and they will respect you for that.

NB Answering someone’s mobile is a little more personal. You should always establish if this is part of what is required of you before you do pick up someone’s mobile on their behalf. If it is part of your requirement you should answer with “Mr/Ms Example’s line, YourName speaking”

How to: Make Your Own Budget Body Butter

Jo Malone's English Pear and Freesia Body Creme - that's my favourite! I was given it as a gift once, by a dutifully generous employer... It's divine.

I still have the pot, I cannot bring myself to part with the pot - I keep hair pins in it...

Now that I'm free of the benefits of permanent employment and I find myself financially responsible for my own beauty regime... time to call upon the "resourceful in demanding situations" bullet point on my CV.

Many years ago I staunchly ignored the advice of a lovely nurse practitioner who informed me that I have very sensitive skin and all my "highly perfumed" products would "have to go". She handed me a utilitarian looking tube of Aqueous Cream.

 Apparently anyone who's ever had a baby knows about this stuff - they give it to you to lather up your nethers when they've been through testing times - ENOUGH!!! All you need to know is that it's one of the best basic moisturisers around. It has a similar consistency and is considerably more purse friendly than Jo's heavenly concoction.... (I have found it for less than £3 for 500g).

Too good to be true? Well... erm.... a bit.... It doesn't smell horrible but it's not glamorous.... frankly.... it's just, well...dull.... Am I convincing you? to rush out and get some yet?!!!! (Please bear with me)

The second (not very) secret is Aloe Vera Gel, the jellied juice of a spiky plant found in parts of the world more exotic than London. This is wonderful stuff - promoting healing, having an emollient (moisturising) effect, it firms your skin, soothes it and leaving you feeling generally wonderful. It's excellent used neat between cleansing and moisturising your face in lieu of a serum. I read somewhere that it acts as a conduit for other products. So it's great to use under moisturiser if your skin is particularly dry. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloe_vera

Cutting to the chase: the two products together are a minor miracle for the skin. Mixed together they make a great after-sun, fantastic base for self-tan or a lovely rich night body lotion after a hot bath it’s major moisturisation and great for the winter months.

The smell, mmm….. now I can cope with it – but if you’re a major olfactory nut then I would suggest adding a couple of drops of essential oil. You could try lavender oil for a lovely restful bedtime body butter, or neroli (orange blossom) for a lovely fresh day-time scent. You need not go over-board with expensive oils - the range at Holland and Barrett are very accessible. Black Pepper and Ginger would be a really up lifting treat!

Mix as follows:

1 part Aloe Vera Gel to 2 parts Aqueous Cream - add as much pure essential oil of your choice as needed – you need around 2 drops for every “heaped tablespoon” of the mixture. Be careful with this as the essential oils can be the thing that people with sensitive skin can react to (Rose is particularly bad for this - but Lavender is often a safe bet).

Have a look at this article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aromatherapy#Popular_uses for some popular/suggested fragrances to suit your mood.

Of course, you could save pots and jars throughout the year and make up a big batch of this and give it away as a gift. What's not to love?

Photo of the Day: Sponky

 

I LOVE that somewhere in the world paperclips are known as "Sponky".....